Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
