somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
