I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
