I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
