Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
