Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
