at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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