if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
