Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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