Will you blow on my dice?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
