i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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