I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
