Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
