apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
