I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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