Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
