never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
