I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
