Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm getting married
To pizza
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
