i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
