Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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