You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
