Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
