So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
