we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
