Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
