if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Enjoy the penises
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
