Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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