Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
