so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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