ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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