just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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