No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
