So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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