how can u be prego again
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
