guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
