I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
