that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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