Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
