She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
