He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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