Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
