I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
