I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
