I will die if light touches me.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
