Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
