I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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