just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
