Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
