Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I deserve this hangover.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
