So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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