I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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