just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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