i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
