I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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