i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
